Image description: a tweet by Kim Belair @BagelofDeath. Tweet reads:
Aunt Dai is my favourite Chinese restaurant in Montreal, but the REAL treat is the menu, featuring extremely honest commentary from the owner.
The tweet has a series of screencaps from the menu attached. In order, they read:
1) Owner’s words: little little bit spicy, more flavor of cumin, very tasty. We used to have the beef pieces on small sticks but several customers cut their lips by it thinking it was some hard ingredient (They must have watches some shows about weird Chinese food). To avoid incidents like this, no more sticks. Some good infusion from the overly fried onion slices (which you can eat). definitely recommend this.
2) Orange beef (Chén Pí Niú Ròu) $11,99 Owner’s words: Comparing to our General Tao Chicken, this one is not THAT good. Anyway, I am not big fan of North American Chinese food and it’s your call.
3) Ingredients: pork, wood ear, bamboo shoots, green peppers, red peppers Owner’s words: This is the number one choice dish ordered by Chinese customers across whole China according to an Internet survey and I totally believe that. When I was China and went to a restaurant, I always ordered this dish. It’s so popular that it has so many different versions in China. Since I have so high expectation on this dish, I am not a huge fan for our version to be honest. But don’t get me wrong, the plate at our restaurant is very tasty too, it’s just different from those where I went to university.
4) Satay sauce beef (shā chá niú ròu) $13,99 Owner’s words: This is new on our menu, I did NOT have chance to try this one yet. According to a lot of customers, this one is very popular, I still don’t have chance to taste it. Looks like I should spend more time eating in my own restaurant.
5) Ingredients: potatoes, chili, vinegar Owner’s words: This plate will show you how Chinese cuisine can do with our beloved potato outside of French fries, mash potato, chips. This potato Julian dish is very very popular in China. Let’s salute potato!
6) Owner’s comments: It has curry flavor, don’t expect it to be SO tasty but it’s a safe choice and make you happy.
the fact that laughter is contagious is so beautiful to me. like oh that made you smile? that made you happy? well then, i have no choice but to be happy with you!
Every 21st century piece of writing advice: Make us CARE about the character from page 1! Make us empathize with them! Make them interesting and different but still relatable and likable!
Every piece of classic literature: Hi. It’s me. The bland everyman whose only purpose is to tell you this story. I have no actual personality. Here’s the story of the time I encountered the worst people I ever met in my life. But first, ten pages of description about the place in which I met them.
Modern writing advice: Yes your protagonist should have flaws but ultimately we should root for them and like them from the beginning :)
Charles Dickens: Here is the worst ugliest rudest meanest nastiest bitch you’ve ever met in your life.
Modern writing advice: Make sure your POV character goes through a significant arc! Make sure they are changed by the narrative! Make sure they learn a lesson!
Narrators of every book of the 19th century: the lesson I learned is these people fucking suck, sayonara you freaks
Modern writing advice: It’s all about the character overcoming obstacles and learning! They learn their lesson so they can fix their mistakes and make good choices in the future! It’s a character arc! It’s called growth! Readers love it!
Everyone from ancient times through the 19th century: would you like to watch a Guy fuck up twenty times in a row
I…tried to make a meme and got carried away and made A Thing that is like partially unfinished because i spent like 3 hours on it and then got tired.
I think this is mostly scientifically accurate but truth be told, there seems to be relatively little research on succession in regards to lawns specifically (as opposed to like, pastures). I am not exaggerating how bad they are for biodiversity though—recent research has referred to them as “ecological deserts.”
She is nearly 70 years old, with wonderfully brown gnarled, wrinkled hands and eyes that are creased from smiling. She hand-makes all of her own clothes and sews dolls for my little sister. Abuela is very lonely… her husband already passed and her kids live far away. She misses her grandkids. Abuela comes around our place for the company almost every other day.
So this morning, my little sister and I went to visit the Abuela to return the kindness of her vegetables with some homemade soup.
It’s a funny joke we have, that if you can make a perfect posole you are wife material. I was joking around with my friend beforehand to see if I was worthy of marriage, and my little sister thinks me failing is the best thing in life, so of course she wants to ask Abuela when we arrive.
We’re wearing masks and gloves and can’t give her the big hug like we want to, but Abuela is always happy to see us. We bring the pot of soup to her table. My little sis, the little shit that she is, immediately asks, “Abuela, is Reina ready to be a wife yet?”
And Abuela immediately shifts her entire mood. Her face literally becomes this:
Abuela’s look pierces through my heart.
“Who are you trying to impress? A man or a woman?” she asks, deadly serious. We have broached the topic of marriage. It is her domain now.
And I, Rei, gay as the fourth of July, cannot believe that either Abuela clocked me instantly or that she could possibly have a fascinating past of her own.
I thought about lying, but my little sister was there and I don’t like to lie in front of her. So I was honest and said I was trying to impress a woman.
Without a response, Abuela carefully tries the posole. The room is silent.
“For a man, it’s good,” she says after a moment. “But, you’ll need to work harder to impress a woman.”
All I can do is politely nod. I have so many questions.
Now Abuela is tired. She wants to eat and relax in peace, so she waves us away. We make sure she’s settled, and then my sister and I go home.
I can’t believe my 70 year old Abuela said BI RIGHTS
this is the funniest fucking thing ever
not only did the grandma say bi rights but like
she had two separate scales of food judgement for men and women AT THE READY and there’s something inherently hilarious in “FOR MEN IT’S FINE, FOR WOMEN DO BETTER”
